My mother texted me today, and she said "I kept on wondering whether you returned there because of me. If you think you will be happier in Jakarta, then just come home. I don't want you to be unhappy."
And yes, I've been doing a lot of thinking about me being here. I know if I put aside all my melodramatic reasoning, staying in the Netherlands would be a big opportunity for me to get some work experience. I already promised myself that I will return home after five years, but just being in Indonesia for two months really changed the way I feel. I know that when I decided to make a living in Jakarta, it would be different than how I would imagine. I would start cursing and hating the city, and I would regret it and hate myself if I don't give it a try here first. All and all, I know I need to find my strength and willpower to make myself love life in the Netherlands again. And I shouldn't take too long as my clock keeps on ticking.